So I’m sitting here in this room and it’s around dawn
It’s seems to be dusk it seems to be
There’s no light
Just these traces of blue in the sky
And far over the edges of the tenements
And if I look down the street
At this angle that looks like something out of a De Chirico
There’s these white clouds that are so faint so gray
And this strong moon

Ahhhhhhhhhhhh

I’ve walked this hall twenty-seven times
And all I can see are the cool white walls
A hand rubbing slowly across a face
My mind is a pounding ship a long red road

My hands are empty
My hands are empty

Small town laborers creating excavations
That other men spend their lives trying to fill
In this storm in this storm
I can’t separate my breathing from the sound.

My hands are empty
My hands are empty

I wanted you to walk me down the stairs to the street
so I wouldn’t hear the lock turn or the door close or the lock turn

Across the street in the apartment window there’s a man pacing back and forth
Before the shades - the dim lightbulb
And he’s combing his hair now
And he’s pacing again
And he has no shirt on
And he looks to be about 45
And it’s cold out and this afternoon it snowed

And I was walking around in the streets and I was feeling this
Tension that I thought was unexplainable but I knew was explainable
It’s something I knew what - I knew what caused it
It’s because I met this guy recently
I met him in the park up around 15th Street and Second Avenue
And we started getting it on in the park and it was just another anonymous Joe
There was something interesting about him
I mean I was attracted to him and
It was sort of one sided as we were getting it on but

After I came I asked him his . . . with him and then he invited me back to his place
And what I realize is that when I don’t know somebody or when I don’t…
When there’s not like this incredibly strong attraction to them
You know something that that’s like beyond desire that
Where there’s where suddenly I had this fear that you know that
I might not ever get to know them
Like a fear of rejection or fear of – that this is just like a one night stand
Which I mean I – I find myself having uh, sex a lot with men that you know are desirable
But that I never see it beyond you know that moment
I never see myself getting back together with them
Unless there’s some sort of offer made on their part
I’ll never express any direct interest in words – mostly just in gestures
And so I talked to him as honestly as I talk to anybody
As honestly as I talk to myself
And it felt really good and we continued talking
And we talked and we stayed up most of the night
And I felt really happy about that
I left him some time in the morning because he was tired
He had been doing mescaline and he had to get to sleep and get up at 7 for work
So I sort of cut short conversation and I left
And he scribbled the number and a name on a piece of paper
And uh, I might have done the same for him
I can’t remember now
The next night i bumped into him in a bar down on Second Avenue
And he seemed pleased to see me. He talked quite a bit to me
I was with Brian but I had just walked in when he came over to me
And I just ended up talking to him for about a half hour – on and off
And he invited me back to his place again
So after seeing him and staying there that night and staying up all night
And falling asleep and waking up and making love again